I spent much of my free evening in Tallinn reading, not schmoozing, or picking up girls, or going to strip clubs (maybe in Riga, nos vemos). At my hostel happened to be a copy of a recent trip Paul Theroux took, the guy who wrote that Harrison Ford-River Phoenix movie in...Mexico, was it? One of them thar countries. The first part basically covered ground I had covered. Unfortunately, a 24-year-old as unconnected as I was could not meet Orhan Pamuk, but I took notice of the presentation of Romania and Hungary as uniquely depressed places. I like the former, not so much the latter (admittedly, I've only been to Budapest), but the presentation of these countries seemed very out of touch. Also, the handling of certain political questions seemed to be a little amateur.
I have not spent much time in the Baltics. I have a wireless connection on a bus (!) from Tallinn to Riga. I also have an electrical outlet, so after I get through this dreary business of writing, a world of possibilities will open up. Shall I conquer the world in my usual guise as Albania in Civilization IV? Be frustrated at the PC version of Grand Theft Auto IV? Be aroused at whatever the Internet has come up with to make the Sims 3 more sexual in the month since it's been released? I have four hours to Riga. On a video game note, I will say that I appreciate GTA IV for its focus on the Balkans, although with a name like Bellic for the main character I would have expected him to be Albanian (the name isn't possible in Serbo-Croatian but is in Albanian). Anyways, go Balkans.
My first experience round these here parts was in Warsaw. Undone by a Swissair flight on which I watched Inside Man twice (Albania!) and slept none, I ended up spending my one day kind of as a vague translator for a Russian girl named Nastya who made food for grocery stores and a dude from Schenectady, NY, who, although I didn't bring up the subject, was clearly in Poland at the displeasure of many (how so lucky). The Russian girl really only spoke French and Russian, both in which I am passable. Though I was deadset on taking the bus to Vilnius, I noticed a strange phenomenon which I've noticed other places. Being the guy who understands the girl, speaks the same language despite being from a different country, you'd think it would work, but, eh, not so much. I really don't understand what is that's alluring about being a monolingual putz, but it seems to work more than whatever it is that I do. Yeah, so, we're having lunch for three, we're speaking in a language completely unintelligble to one member of the table, and you want him? Do you think I'm also Russian? No, no! Cuban! Spanish! German! Czech! Come on, I just learned it for kicks!
I went to Lithuania next. Passed some time in Druskininkai, which has a park I remember from teenagerhood as being labeled StalinWorld. A disappointment. There were some statues, some buildings recreated to mimic Soviet life, but honestly, if you've been to many of the free parks and or cities that haven't really cared to change their outlook from Leninism/Marxism to capitalism, it was a severe disappointment. Unless you have a thing for obscure Communists from the World War I era in Lithuania. The souvenir stands themselves were even disappointing. Go to Kiev, pick up your medal signifying how you yourself occupied Kuban or the Crimea as a Nazi soldier in WWII and be happy.
One thing that time as a limiting factor has not allowed me to investigate is the possibility of souvenirs that would intrigue me. I took a ferry to Helsinki yesterday. Honestly, I think people who collect action figures are lame. If you have a figurine of Spiderman wearing the uniform of all 30 MLB teams, well, you know what should happen. But I was vaguely interested in the notion of action figures from the Kalevala, Finland's national epic. Especially in the crossover sense. I don't own a Scooby Doo action figure, but I sure would buy it, if I could set up a situation in which Scooby Doo stole the Sampo and was attacked by the forces of Pohjola. Same with Estonia, man. Where were the Aarvo Part action figures? I'm an advocate of unorthodox things, so I would have crafted myself a figurine of Aarvo Part conducting his own symphony from a Segway. But, no. You just sell matryoshka dolls, Estonia. With football players instead of babushki. And you don't even have the cunning yet to paint yourself a Brett Favre Viking matryoshka (he's totally coming back)? Man.
I should cover somewhat interactions with people. Because I am a man of limited Estonian, Latvian, Lithuanian, and limited time to go to bars, I have more interacted with the various owners of shawarma stands and doner kebabs, that is, Middle Easterners. In Poland, I was offered the treasure of going whoring with a guy who promised girls that, for 100 zlotych ($35) would do anything in an hour. Real Polish girls. Not a bad price. As I write here, I entertain notions of spending my night in a Riga strip club. I've never had a lap dance. And sure, I'm curious. No morality issues. It's my second to last night of freedom, so why not?
Riga sounds really exciting. How could a city whose main attractions are shooting ranges, strip clubs, and no less than 3 Central Asian restaurants not be? Ta'al ma'ani, nosotros vamos a descrubrir Riga esta noche.
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